you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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