When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
