apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
not ubering you a puppy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
