you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
