I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
