the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
