We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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