it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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