I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
