the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
