you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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