She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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