Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
