so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
