Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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