so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
