You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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