Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
