come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
