I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
