their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
