She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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