my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
