I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
