we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize