I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
