my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
