Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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