i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
