I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
