he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
