Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
