and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
