i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
