One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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