If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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