allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
