so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize