Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
