cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
