dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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