nut hugger
Soap is not a condiment
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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