he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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