when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
