I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
