You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
