I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
