Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
