So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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