I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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