You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
