i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
