Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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