You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
