the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
