i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
me + whiskey = a bad person
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
