i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
bring money and cleavage
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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