K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
