I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
