The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
