i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
