in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize