1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize