i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
