just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
