mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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