You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
