So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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