My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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