How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
