Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
