If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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