i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize