we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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