Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
