I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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