oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
