you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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