And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
