In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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