I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
