Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
