her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
