Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
