Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to make out with him forever
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
