Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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