I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I will be naked everywhere
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
