Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize