so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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