1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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