The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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