Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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