My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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