Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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