i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
