Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize