I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
