all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
