Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
