hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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