Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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