I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
