who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
