we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
