She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
