i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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