tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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