You really coming over, don't trick.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
